Jumping Out of A Spaceship

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna…

Nuclear Wessels

Son, as your lawyer, I declare y’all are in a 12-piece bucket o’ trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin’ up that ol’ mess you caused. Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Too much work. Let’s burn it and say…

Daylight and Everything

We’re also Santa Claus! What are you hacking off? Is it my torso?! ‘It is!’ My precious torso! And yet you haven’t said what I told you to say! How can any of us trust you? Do a flip! No, I’m Santa Claus! Tell her she looks thin. Fry! Quit doing the right thing, you…

Anthology of Interest

What kind of a father would I be if I said no? Leela, Bender, we’re going grave robbing. Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? You guys aren’t Santa! You’re not even robots. How dare you lie in front of Jesus? Throw her in the brig. If rubbin’ frozen dirt in…

Gertie the Dinasour

Now, in that Japanese sea, the days in summer are as freshets of effulgences. That unblinkingly vivid Japanese sun seems the blazing focus of the glassy ocean’s immeasurable burning-glass. The sky looks lacquered; clouds there are none; the horizon floats; and this nakedness of unrelieved radiance is as the insufferable splendors of God’s throne. Well…

The Bonnaroo Experience

This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread-and-butter. Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled her a…

I am good for your health. Eat me.

Broccoli